Youllneedthefollowing:acupofwater,acupofsugar,fourlargeeggs,twocupsofdriedfruit,ateaspoonofbakingsoda,ateaspoonofsalt,acupofbrownsugar,lemonjuice,nuts,andabottleofwhisky.

Samplethewhiskytocheckforquality.

Takealargebowl.Checkthewhiskyagain.Tobesureitisthehighestquality,pouronelevelcupanddrink.Repeat.Turnontheelectricmixer,beatonecupofbutterinalargefluffybowl.Addoneteaspoonofsugarandbeatagain.

Makesurethewhiskyisstillokay.Cryanothertup.Turnoffthemixer.Breaktwoleggsandaddtothebowlandchuckinthecupofdriedfruit.Mixontheturner.Ifthefrieddruitgetsstuckinthebeatererspryitloosewithadrewscriver.

Samplethewhiskytocheckfortonsisticity.Next,sifttwocupsofsalt.orsomething.Whocares?Checkthewhisky.Nowsiftthelemonjuiceandstrainyournuts.Addonetable.Spoon.Ofsugarorsomething.Whateveryoucanfind.

Greasetheoven.Turnthecaketinto350degrees.Dontforgettobeatofftheturner.Throwthebowloutofthewindow,checkthewhiskyagainandgotobed.